Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
