She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
