Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
