Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
