Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
