I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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