My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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