Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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