Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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