no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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