I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
