need another drink. this is the easiest way
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
