Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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