You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
