oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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