I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
