apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
