hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nicole vs. Life
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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