we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
