we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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