he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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