I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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