no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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