Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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