By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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