Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize