I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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