3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
