I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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