You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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