oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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