whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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