We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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