I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
