and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
not ubering you a puppy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
