so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
that is very illegal...i love you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
