I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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