# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
