My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
