You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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