a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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