he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize