Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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