i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
