I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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