This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
