it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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