I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We left the knife in your bed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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