Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
