I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
