so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize