So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
