Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
