brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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