I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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