I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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