Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
