i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
