So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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