??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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