my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
