it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
