Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
