I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
