Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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