Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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