All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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