I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize