Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
